Love. . . My NZ Mum

Survivors' Lap of the Cancer Society Relay for Life, March 2012

My feisty, funny and beautiful mother-in-law died last Wednesday after heart surgery. We were told the mortality risk was approximately 10%, but she never regained consciousness. Her body just couldn't take it. I guess we all want to imagine that OUR loved ones will end up in the lucky 90%.

We had a service on Saturday to celebrate her life, and it ended up with us laughing as much as crying :) I spoke in front of everyone, telling tales of funny things she got up to, and how much she meant to me. So much more than a mother-in-law, more like my NZ mum, as all my family live in the UK. Though it was difficult to make it through what I had to say, it had the desired effect of  giving everyone a good laugh remembering what a wonderful woman she was. My heartbroken yet brave son also spoke, and I am so incredibly proud of him for being so gutsy, articulate and compassionate all rolled into one amazing boy.

This morning (Monday) the same thought kept going round in my head all the time "The last time I had Monday, I had you."  

Certainly not great poetry, but it got that phrase out of my system! 

The last time I had Monday, I had you

The last time I had Monday, I had you . . .

And yet it seems so strange we never knew.

You hugged me tight and cried to say goodbye

And somehow now I wonder did you know?

Of course you couldn’t KNOW

But maybe you could tell,

Percentages are just a downright lie.

For each of us will either

Live or die.

The last time I had Monday, I had you . . .

And everything I ever thought I knew

Since then has turned to dust along with you.

The only thing remaining is the truth . . .

He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.

He aroha, he aroha, he aroha.

‘Tis people and ‘tis love!

This really is enough.

The last time I had Monday, I had you . . .

And now I realise

In my heart,

Within me

I still

do.

Arohanui . . . xxxxxxx

Thought for Thursday. . . This is not how the story is going to end!

With thanks to "Daily Vitamins for the Soul" (Facebook feed.)

Thought for Thursdsay. . . Think big!

Mural spotted at Waimea College, Richmond. . .

Thought for Thursday. . . The world in which you were born is just one model of reality.

The Te Korowai Trust logo,  freshly painted onto their Relay for Life banner

"The world in which you were  born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you, they are unique manifestations of the human spirit."
(Wade Davis)

and another one, especially for all of us New Zealanders. . .


The Treaty is simply the most important document in New Zealand's history.
(Sir Robin Cooke)

Last week, I attended a Treaty of Waitangi course, run by Robert Consedine of Waitangi Associates, and these two quotes were on the wall for us to ponder during our two day course. Much food for thought. . . If you ever get the opportunity to attend one of these Treaty courses, I can't recommend it enough - it was amazing!

Is it a coincidence, then, that this evening on the way back from swimming, 11 year old Sonny Jim and I were engaged in a frank discussion about the theft of Māori land by successive NZ governments, and how the theft caused a lack of economic base and the Crown's disregard for the Treaty of Waitangi has been so damaging? And if a law existed that didn't suit the government because they might have had to take Māori rights into consideration, then they changed the law. I explained to SJ that while I was walking around Motueka this afternoon, I was pondering that I was walking on stolen ground. We both considered how WE would feel if our land and resources were taken from us (angry, resentful, lacking trust in the "establishment" etc). We discussed the notion of guardianship of land, sea and natural resources rather than ownership, and whatever happened to the tenths reserves?! It all seems very straightforward to SJ - the stolen land, or plenty of money to attempt to make up for its theft should be returned to the Māori iwi as soon as possible. And that's the end of that! I have to say I agree with him.

Thought for Thursday. . . Falling and rising again

Christchurch's Cathedral Square in happier times (Source: www.insearchofsimplicity.com)

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
(Oliver Goldsmith)

Thought for Thursday. . . It DOES get better!

66% of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) teenagers experience bullying at school.
58% of them never report it, and half of them skip school as a result. 
LGBT teenagers are three times more likely than their "straight" friends to attempt suicide.
(Source = Diversity Role Models)

Something a little different today. A couple of links for you, sharing the recently released single "It does get better" performed by various British lesbian artists in order to raise awareness and funds to help combat homophobic bullying.

Please watch the video , and make sure you watch it right to the end. . . the photos of young people who have committed suicide due to homophobic bullying are just heart-breaking, and they come right at the end of the video. The Wifie, Sonny Jim and I all cried when we watched this for the first time.  If you are a member of any social networks like Facebook, Twitter etc, please share the video in order to spread the message. And think about buying the single or the EP from iTunes. Lyrics and vocal arrangement are here (scroll down a bit.)

The L Project, proudly supporting Stonewall and Diversity Role Models released this single on 11th February 2012 and all money raised will go towards this very worthy cause (which, as you can imagine, is very close to my heart.)

A couple of days later, on Facebook, the L Project team were asking people to send in their "inspiring photos" to be used for a photo-montage video to accompany the song. The link to that video is below:
Sharing the Love. . .

For those of you who know me personally, look out for the photo of the Wifie, Sonny Jim and me on our Civil Union day back in 2008. It totally made our day today, to know that we were featured in this video. The L Project got inundated with photos and apparently have enough to make about another 5 videos, but we made it into the first one, yay :)

Homophobic bullying not only affects those people who identify as LGBT, but all too often it affects their children and sometimes other family members as well. The fact that so many beautiful young people have felt so desperate due to bullying that they have taken their own lives is nothing short of tragic.

However, on a happier note the Wifie and I are just one example of those people who can stand up and say "It DOES get better!" Hopefully as this message spreads and homophobic bullying decreases, we will see more of these amazing LGBT teenagers make it into adulthood, and just imagine what a difference they could make. . . Our diversity is our strength.

Thought for Thursday - I am responsible for my day

Thought for the Day

I am responsible for my day.

I am responsible for how I feel and what I do.

Nobody can make me feel anything.

If I have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way.

If I have a great day, I am the one who deserves credit for being positive.

It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. 

I am the one who is in charge of my life.

This "Thought for the Day" is stuck on the wall in our bathroom (toilet) as a reminder to us all :) Several years ago I begged a copy from a social worker friend of mine, who had it on her wall too.

Have a great day!!!

Thought for Thursday - in support of curves!

"Body as a Landscape III" photo by Nicole St John via flickr (with permission)

Call it lazy if you like, but today I am borrowing my "Thought for Thursday" directly from Kind Over Matter (KOM). This morning a lengthy quote popped up in my Facebook feed from KOM and it moved me. So I am going to share it with you. For the full post by Jo Anna Rothman of the Receiving Project, go over to the KOM In Support of Curves post, but I will give you a little taster of some of the stanzas here. . .


Today, I will love my curves. Every single one of them. The ones that I have cultivated. The ones that I have shamed. Even the ones I forget exist. I will love them all. And the way they have supported me. Caressed my very being. I will own them, hold them, touch them as a lover would. Because I am the greatest opportunity for love that I know.

Today, I will love my curves. I revel in the gravitational pull they hold. And know magic that is created in their movements. I allow myself to be seen. To let the eyes of the world find me and drink me in without shrinking in fear. To be visible. To be desirable. To be me. Wildly. Pleasurably. Totally.


Today, I invite you to do the same. Love the dips, turns and winding roads of your form. Acknowledge the beauty that couldn’t come from anyone else but you. Put down the sword of nasty judgement in all of its forms and fall in love with the real world expression of you. Today, you can love your curves. 


Many of us have plenty of curves, whether due to being naturally curvaceous, differently formed, overweight or undertall! A lot of us have some negative attitudes towards our own curvy bits, even whilst we look kindly on the curves of others! But perhaps we should try to be kinder to ourselves too, as Jo Anna Rothman advocates? I sent this to a close friend of mine earlier this evening and she reckons "Every woman should read that". . . but maybe especially those of us with an abundance of curves, of dips and turns and winding roads in the unique landscape of our bodies?!

Thought for Thursday. . . Salutation to the dawn

Sunrise over the Waimea estuary

Look to this day! 
For it is life, the very life of life. 
In its brief course 
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence: 
The bliss of growth 
The glory of action 
The splendour of beauty.

For yesterday is but a dream 
And tomorrow is only a vision, 
But today well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness 
And every tomorrow a vision of hope. 
Look well, therefore, to this day! 
Such is the salutation to the dawn.

Kālidāsa

Thought for Thursday. . . The turning tide

Tide crashing in at Ruby Bay

"The lowest ebb comes before the turning tide." (Unknown)

Thought for Thursday - another way

Junction in the road. (Photo by Peter Jordan - Creative Commons License)

Both these things are true:
This is not the life I pictured for myself.
This is a very good life.


With thanks to a very dear friend, who shared this thought with me. . .

Thought for Thursday - Anne Lamott

"Dandelion clock" photo from Wikipedia creative commons

"You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."

— Anne Lamott


Thanks to Wendy for this beautiful quote. . . I had never heard of Anne Lamott until yesterday, via Wendy on Facebook.

Thought for Thursday - I am human!

Rainbow flag  (from Out in UL)

I am gay

I am lesbian

I am straight

I am bisexual

I am transgendered

I AM HUMAN!

Originally saw this quote on "Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook" page. It spoke to me. . .

Thought for Thursday - 3

A favourite little poem of mine, and one which applies to several good friends as well as my beloved:

O, the comfort,
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a friend;
Having neither to weigh thoughts
Nor measure words
But pouring them right out,
Just as they are,
Chaff and grain together;
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take them and sift them,
Keep what is worth keeping
And with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.
                                 ANON

This is from my quotes/poems/scraps notebook I started when I was 15, and still have on my bookshelf. . .

Thought for Thursday - 2

"What would you dare to do, if you knew you could not fail?" (Unknown)

Thought for Thursday

As I have heaps of quotes, poems, verses and suchlike squirrelled away in various notebooks, and I like to be reminded of them from time to time, I thought I might start a semi-regular Thursday blog post to share one with you. Here's the inaugural thought for Thursday - short, sweet and memorable:

"If you are idle, be not solitary; if you are solitary, be not idle."

Samuel Johnson

That one was at the top of my list, as it has come to mind several times today, having had a very solitary and somewhat idle day. . . I shall endeavour to take heed of its warning and have a much more productive day tomorrow!